My Guilty Pleasure

I must say, I have always been a fangirl since I was quite young.  Shaun Cassidy, Donny Osmond, and Davy Jones (who was adorable until the end) were my favorites back during what could now be described as my tween years.  And although I dreamed of one of them sweeping me off my feet and being my husband, I never really was one to write fan letters or scream at a concert.

As I got older, I realized that I could never possibly be a pop star's spouse, what with the groupies, parties, and constant travel.  It just didn't seem like a good lifestyle for me.  Of course, I also didn't know them so that seriously put a crimp in the whole "I love you, but I'm afraid I can't be with you because of your lifestyle" scenario. And I'm forever grateful that I never converted to Mormonism because I never did meet Jimmy Osmond.

But, I have always been a huge fan of pop culture and have always wanted to see more inside a well-known person's world. Its not that I want that world for myself, but I always thought it would be fun to just have a conversation with someone famous that I found interesting.  I guess I wanted to see if they are just ego driven or if they are folks just like anyone else.  

Enter Twitter.

Twitter is, without a doubt, my guilty pleasure. In just 140 characters,  I finally get to see if the people who I think might be interesting to know are interesting or just idiots. I follow a lot of news people, Dancing With the Stars pros, American Idol alum, other reality "stars," General Hospital actors past and present, and anyone else who I might find interesting.  You wouldn't believe how fun Alan Thicke and Chaz Bono can be!

I tend to follow people who think the same as I do on different issues simply because I don't want to be aggravated during what should be considered fun (so sorry Kirk Cameron).  I find that most people are just like anyone.  A lot are Moms and Dads and so far, no one is really too dippy.  For that reason, I don't follow Justin Beiber, Miley Cyrus, or anyone with the last name of Kardasian.  If I get annoyed by someone, I just unfollow.  

And the best part? You can tweet them and they TWEET BACK!  The dialogue I have always wanted is now possible!  I will sometimes comment on a performance the person has given, or an issue they support, or simply a Mom thing.  Quite recently, I have tweeted with Good Morning America's Sam Champion about Dancing with the Stars.  Some are even great about birthday wishes Sam and Josh Elliot wished my son a Happy Birthday.  I asked if they could and they obliged.

I have had "chats" with DWTS' Tony Dovolani and Lacey Schwimmer, GMA's Sam, Josh, Lara Spencer,Ron Claiborne, Dan Harris, Ginger Zee, and Elizabeth Vargas (George Stephanopoulos is my personal Holy Grail), American Idol Season 5 winner Taylor Hicks, Malibu Beach  and Queer Eye  alum Jai Rodriguez, N'SYNC's Lance Bass, Holly Robinson Peete, Real World San Francisco's Judd Winick, The Little Couple's Dr. Jennifer Arnold, writer Missy Buchanan, The Chew's Michael Symon and Carla Hall, peace activist Dr. Jennifer Stepanek (we've actually exchanged real letters over the last couple years),  and yes, even Kate Gosselin.  Sometimes its just a retweet; sometimes its a little conversation, but its always a hoot to get a response.

 I once went back and forth with Ginger Zee wondering if my son would perish during an outside activity in the extreme heat. She assured me he would be OK.  Carla Hall was pleased that "slapping my mint" to bring out the flavors had worked well for me.  Lacey replied that my favorite movie dance scene in a movie (the last big dance number with Cyd Cherrise in Singin' in the Rain) was hers as well. And Kate and I surmised that its important to do some math and reading during the summer so that knowledge is not lost. 

 I would love to get a response sometime from John Krasinski, Ingo Rademacher, and David Cook  I admire all of their talent and how they conduct themselves as people in the public eye.  I'm kidding!  I think they're pretty sexy!

I feel very much like those who collect autographs.  I collect mentions on Twitter. It's less time consuming and probably cheaper. I think at 46, I'm always going to be a fan of pop culture and all that surrounds it.  I'm just glad that I found a way to continue to have fun with it! 

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Is Your Child's Medical Care Truly Up to You?-

This week, a faith healing couple who were on probation for not seeking medical care for their dying child, allowed their eight month old to suffer the same fate.  They have been arrested.  This is the NPR article: http://www.npr.org/blogs/thetwo-way/2013/04/23/178593383/religious-parents-lose-second-child-after-refusing-medical-care

Obviously, this disgusts me on so many levels.  First off, how do you not take a sick child, let alone infant, to the doctor?  Second, how are you not hyper-vigilant not only because the law caught up to you, but because you lost another child, possibly the worst trauma a parent can face?  Third, the God you  prayed to gave you a brain. Perhaps it should have been used.

But this whole case got me thinking of where a parent's right to treat their child medically as they see fit (for religious and other reasons) ends and the government's begins.  I'm not here to choose a side, because honestly, this issue has confounded me since I heard about a mother who got in legal trouble for refusing chemotherapy for her son who was dying from cancer.  By the way, he's fine.  I don't know if they believe it was the power of prayer, alternative care, or just good fortune, but he survived.  I kept thinking that it wasn't what I would have chosen, but doesn't she have the right to make that decision? I truly don't know.

I'm playing devil's advocate here with all of these scenarios.Should all these parents face legal actions?  

A parent decides on homeopathic treatment for their child.  In many cases it works, but in this case it doesn't and for whatever reason, the child dies.  The child has been treated, but those in authority may believe that this isn't "real" medicine and is instead neglect.

True story. Many years ago, a mother brought her young child to the hospital with an very high fever.  Meningitis was suspected but she would not allow the spinal tap. They in turn would not give her medication. She waits it out at home until he is better.  The child is now a grown man.  Negligence?  On Mom or the hospital's part or both?  What if he had died?

Many families choose not to vaccinate.  There is no imminent danger, but what about in a flu outbreak? I respect that people do not want to vaccinate, but does the government have the right to insist on it?  Could they decided that a very sick child was neglected? 

Many c-sections are avoidable, but doctors will tell a scared mother that it is necessary for whatever reason. If there is a complication, can that doctor say that the mother was negligent? 

I truly don't see that legal action would be taken in any of these cases, but you just don't know.  In some Southern states, I would have been charged with manslaughter for having a D and C to resolve a miscarriage.  I don't think those laws actually passed, but it is scary to think that it could be a possibility.

I don't know what the answer truly is. I'm all for if you are harming a child in anyway, you have no right to it.  And I mean in a serious, life-threatening way.  But who is to determine what that line actually is?

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This Blog is ICONIC!

Of course I'm kidding.  Its only been around for two months.  But nowadays, it seems like everything is termed "iconic." From fashion to characters on TV and in movies and to photos, everything is put into this category. Now, this is just my pet peeve du jour, but I am so tired of everyone using this word to describe what actually should be described in some other, less grandiose way.

Icon: (from www.thefreedictionary.com ) 
1. a picture, image, or other representation.
2. an image of Christ, a saint, etc., usu. painted on a wooden panel or done in mosaics and venerated as sacred in the Eastern Church.
3. a sign or representation that stands for something by virtue of a resemblance or analogy to it; symbol: an icon of womanhood.
4. a person or thing that is revered or idolized: a pop icon.
5. a small graphic image on a computer screen representing a disk drive, a file, or a software command, as a wastebasket that can be used to delete a file.

Now, please tell me which of these definitions best fit "Style Icon" Emma Stone?  I mean, true she has been walking the red carpet since, what. 2010? That should qualify her for...umm... number 4?  

I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but not everything is iconic.  Memorable maybe?  Eventually, standing next to everything known to humankind? Perhaps.  But today's well- dressed young actress of the moment, is not a style anything, except well-dressed. And smart enough to hire a good stylist.

I just have this issue with things that are current as being icons.  Shouldn't you have more than a few years under your belt?  Shouldn't a look or an image or a character stand the test of time before such a label is given?  As much as I love Jim Parson's Dr. Sheldon Cooper on The Big Bang Theory, I can't say that the character will always be some standard bearer for idolization or a representative of some virtue.  And yes, I have already heard this character being called iconic.

And truly, Miss Kim Richards, yes you were in Nanny and the Professor and a handful of movies  and TV shows back when you were a kid, but please don't consider yourself an icon.  Yes, I've heard her say people consider her such.  

I think an icon needs to stand the test of time.  I think Michelle Obama has great taste in clothes and its great that she doesn't break the bank when selecting outfits.  But five or six years in is not a long time to be considered a fashion icon.  Now Jackie Kennedy is a different story.  She stood out and changed the way women dressed and many still want the same look 50 years later. There was an exhibition of her clothes at the Metropolitan Museum of Art several years ago. That to me is iconic style.

Recently, I realized that people also attach this word to images from news events.  Are we truly already attaching the word "iconic" to photos from this week's Boston Marathon Bombings? I can see in time how there will be images that truly represent that moment in time.  The kind of image you look at and say, "I remember where I was at that moment." But can't we just experience our emotions without every media outlet telling us that "This is the picture you will always remember."  

I think of the image of naked girl running through the street of Vietnam, burning from napalm as an iconic symbol of the Vietnam War.  An image that tells you specifically of a day or place or event that will forever be remembered for the pain and damage it did to so many.

Barney Stintson (Neil Patrick Harris of How I Met Your Mother) pretty much mocks the idea that everything is something huge and important to the big picture every time he says, "This is going to be LEGEN-wait for it -DARY!" This character totally believes that everything is, in fact, legendary.  The truth is that is seems like a lot of people think that everything is also iconic.

So, I'm going to keep writing my blog and you keep reading it.  And if something strikes you as something that should be "revered or idolized," feel free to pass it on and refer to it as ICONIC.


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Things I Have Forgotten

It's not that my mind is going, but as a parent of a ten year old girl and eight year old boy, I realize there are things that I have forgotten.

What's it like to go to the bathroom/shower without interruption?  Either someone just comes in (four legged creatures as well) or there is a colossal bang or a scream while I am otherwise occupied.  I honestly can shower by myself.  It is not a peep show, kids!

What is sleep?  I once heard Gwyneth Paltrow say she sleeps with one ear open.  I totally got that.  I have the amazing ability to become conscious in the wee hours of the morning just as someone is crying, having a bad dream, getting sick, or talking in their sleep. Even if everyone is asleep, the next days events begin rolling around in my head.  Or worse, some terrible pop song keeps rolling in my head.  I like Call Me Maybe as much as the next person, but not at 3AM in and endless loop.

 What is it like to sleep late? And by late I mean 6:45 AM.  My eight year old has this great morning greeting- open the bedroom door, wave and smile, and then knock on the inside of the door and ask if he can come in.  I love to see his precious fact, but he really needs to work on sequencing events.  Recently, the dog has decided that he needs to remind us he exists by scratching at the door sometime during the 6 AM hour.  You would think that by now he would have figured out that we are ignoring him.  Apparently you can't teach a young dog new tricks either.

 What is a "Live Action" movie? My most recent trips to the movie theater include Wreck-It Ralph, The Lorax, and Welcome to Planet Earth.  Every movie we buy is animated.  We see no movie that is R rated.  I have no clue as to the acting ability of Ryan Gosslin, or Channing Tatum.  I have a vague idea about what Magic Mike is and I'm betting it is not an animated musical about magicians staring the voice talents for someone from Saturday Night Live.

Speaking of which,  What is it like to watch Saturday Night Live, live?  Sure I see clips on Hulu or the NBC website, but its not the same.  A late night for me is 9:30.  I would just like to know what folks are talking about before it hits all the chat shows on Monday morning. 

You mean there are books for adults? OK, I do know this, but I can't recall the last one I read.  I can tell you the myriad of children's fiction and non-fiction I have read, but not an adult book that wasn't a how-to.  And that was probably along the lines of how to keep your children from simultaneously having meltdowns in the public library (yeah, that happened...recently).

I wish I knew what it was like to have a vacation with my spouse.  We will be married 20 years in October.  Since we have had the kids, we have had probably less than ten nights alone in all that time.  I vaguely remember that we used to go for weekend trips on the spur of the moment-great bed and breakfasts, an anniversary trip every year, week long summer trips, road trips.  Now, all our overnights (less those ten) are with the kids.  Not that I don't love family vacations, but really, I think we deserve more than 24 hours alone.  

I mean really, I just want to pee by myself.  Is that too much to ask?  Apparently, yes.

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I Would NOT Like to Make Amends

For just about all my life, I've been the "Nice Girl."  You know the type-always friendly, somewhat shy, never one to confront or make a fuss.  I'm sure there have been a few times when I spoke up and no one cared.

 Of course there were those times when my real personality that can be quite honest comes through.  And then some people get very offended that the "quiet one" has something to say that is not in total alignment with what they want.  I think, sadly, it has kept me in my place for far too long.

I remember one time I made an off color joke and people were stunned.  Or I dared to stand up to someone who automatically thought she would get her way.  I actually quoted someone and she was so offended that I had quoted her back to her, that she turned several people against me for a week or so.  Really, I should of said the old standby, "Honey, if you can't take it, don't dish it out."  Instead, I apologized.  Maybe I should have reminded her that if she wants to talk about her sex life during lunch, she should not expect everyone to then treat her like an innocent flower.  But I didn't.  I've had relatives not speak to me for giving my opinion.  And no, I was not disrespectful. As Don Miguel Ruiz said in The Four Agreements, it's their problem, not yours.  Hard to live by sometimes, but really life changing if you embrace it.

So I had an idea.  You know how 12-Step programs want you to make amends to those you have hurt?  I think that the non-confrontational types like me, should do the reverse.  I would like to go to everyone who has hurt, annoyed, or just generally pissed me off and let them know.  

Let's start with an old boyfriend who was pretty much done with me, but invited me to a basketball game he was playing in just so he could get a ride home afterwards.  To THIS DAY, I wished that as soon as I figured out the deal, I would have just left him stranded at the game.  Say nothing and just go. 

I wished I had said that adopted children are not "bought" when it was insinuated that they are.

I should have told the wedding photographer that it was inappropriate that his son flirted with all of my bridesmaids.  I probably also should have told him that we were not in the right location for the pictures. Or that it took waaaay too long to get the pictures back. 

Perhaps instead of crying when I was told by someone who had never actually seen me in a classroom, that  parents really hated me and lied when they told me they were happy with my teaching, I should have laughed and said, "You can't be serious."

Maybe I should have written that letter to Good Morning America's Lara Spencer when she was with one of the entertainment shows that all of those celebs who have "jumped on the adoption bandwagon" were not trying to be trendy.  I'm sure Hugh and Deb Jackman were not trying to be be part of a fad during all their fertility treatments (and yes, I totally feel connected to Hugh because of it!).

 I would like to call out all those who accused me of lying because of their incompetence.  

I would like to tell those who are rude that they are, in fact, being rude.

It would be awesome to tell those who start a sentence with "no offense," " I'm not a racist/sexist/homophobe", or "nothing personal but," that yes, in fact it is offensive, you are most likely a racist/sexist/homophobe, and I do take it personally.

I would like to state an opinion without the fear of hurting feelings when in fact it is just my beliefs.

Maybe that is why I started this blog.  I've been censoring myself in fear of offending others for a long time, when they don't seem to want to protect my feelings at all.  It has given the appearance of being an agreeable, nice girl.  What it has done instead is made me realize that I can never be authentic with most people.  I don't think that this means people don't know me, just not all of me.  There is another side.  Not a dark side-just one that has views that not everyone will be on board with.  I have a sense of humor that several people don't get because it is sometimes seemingly out of character for me. A bit sarcastic and not really all that nice.  Let's just say it can be a bit biting.

I hope to stop walking on eggshells in person and especially here.

Oh, and I hope I don't offend anyone along the way.  Gee whiz!  I need to stop apologizing for being me!

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Things You Shouldn't Say to Someone Who is About To or Has Adopted

I just grabbed a copy of Nia Vardalos' book Instant Mom. It's all about how after years of infertility, she and her husband adopted a preschooler.  

Been there, done that, bought the underwear thinking he'd be potty trained when he wasn't.  I haven't started it yet and I don't know how much I will commiserate with it or just find it annoying. With all the grief that IVF and infertility in general brings, I don't know if I'm really in the mood.  It's really such a depressing thing and everyone's journey to adoption is so different.  Even though you are happy in the end, the list of insensitive yet mostly, well meaning things that people say to you, is, well, insensitive.  Maybe not well thought out is a better way to put it.

Here is a list of some things that should be avoided when discussing a person's journey to adoption.  And yes, these were all said to me during the process and after our beautiful children were brought home from China.  Please realize I did not counter back with the italicized snarky comments, but maybe I should have.

1. You know, after you adopt you will get pregnant.  I know (fill in the blank with a relative or friend's name) did.  It happens all the time. Uuuh, no it doesn't.  My one and only pregnancy came five years after the second adoption and didn't work out.  So I don't think the adoption is the key to fertility. 

1A This goes hand in hand with If you relax and have a drink, you will get pregnant. After 10 years, you tend to think that all drinking is doing is making you drunk and not pregnant.

2. I guess I would try IVF once, just to see. It's a fortune and is truly not for everyone, though I have no moral issue with it.

3. I couldn't adopt a child who didn't look like me. It's a fortune and truly not for everyone, though you are a fairly insensitive person for saying so.

4. I had a failed adoption. Thanks for letting me know!  That puts my mind at ease.

5. Will you continue to try to have a baby of your own? Your idea of "my own" and mine are obviously very different.

6. Why are you going through an expensive agency?  Here, I'll give you a name of a different one that's cheaper.  You get what you pay for and an adoption agency is not something to scrimp on.  And we couldn't have done it without the wonderful folks at Spence-Chapin.

7. We know people who adopted a baby through Japan. No you didn't.  Japan has never had an international program.  You must have mixed it up with another Asian country, like Korea or Cambodia or Vietnam or China.  I guess they all meld together after awhile.

8. She hardly looks Chinese at all! Yes she does look like she is Chinese.  She is from China.  We are not worried about her "passing."

9. If they call you before the end of the school year, just tell them its not a good time and you will come for her when the year ends.  Would you leave your baby in the hospital until it was a "good time?"  Same difference.

10. Why would you tell her she's adopted?  Because one day she might look a mirror or see a picture of her family.

11.You're white.  What's the point of talking about Chinese culture?  Because she is not white and she can't become white.  She has a right to know where she comes from.

12. Are they really brother and sister? No snark here.  I totally get what is being asked, but it is often said in front of the kids.  Yes they are "real' brother and sister, but not biologically.

13.  We don't mind a little brown baby running around.  Oh, good!  We were SO in need of your permission.

And on a similar note, in front of my child.

14. I know where you can get a blond child. Again, we are not worried about "blending in" just to make others happy.

And my favorite comments from the same person at two different times in front of my child:

I feel guilty because I get pregnant so easily. Funny, because I don't feel guilty for thinking you are really a clod.

If it was between no children and adoption, I guess I'd have to go for adoption.  Because its the lesser of two evils...

Again, I know that people are only trying to help or be sympathetic or well-meaning. My sarcastic responses were in my mind only, but it sure does feel good to be able to write it! On second thought, there are still a few people I'd dearly like to "explain" things to!

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Mommy's Little Happy Pills

For the second time in about a week, I have heard stories on the news about moms taking anti-anxiety medicine to help them deal with being parents.  The angle seems to be that this is "Mommy's little happy pill" and that some feel that it is just an excuse for not being able to deal with the normal chaos of Mommyhood.

I think I would have slapped the psychiatrist on Good Morning America this morning when she kind of shook her head in disdain if it were not for the 20 mg of Lexapro I had just taken.

While I acknowledge that some women take this in lieu of, say, a glass of wine at 10 AM, a lot of us suffer from debilitating panic, anxiety, and depression.  This medication allows us to be functional.  It's not about breezing through your day bouncing and smiling like you stepped out of a tampon commercial.  Its about being able to go to a store and not thinking you are going to faint.  It about being in a new situation without thinking that you need to know where the bathroom is just in case you need to cry or throw up.  Its about not looking at others and wondering how they actually smile and have fun because you don't have a clue how its done.

Although I had no idea what it was, I had anxiety back in first grade.  It was most definitely separation anxiety and it was bad for quite awhile.  I always wanted to go to the nurse because I was so nauseous with worry.  

Later on, I would lie in my bed some mornings, starting in my early teens, and feel what I could only describe as a feeling of acute loneliness.  I realized a few years ago that these feelings which started to pop up, seemingly with no reason, was anxiety.  

These feeling intensified and I'm pretty sure it was why I was unable to go away to college.  There was a time though, that I could go to on trips with a friend.  I think it was because I told her what was going on.  Soon after that, I was having lots these episodes.  

In some ways, I think it is why I didn't date a lot.  It was not for the lack of wanting too.  I just gave off a stay away from me vibe.  Too shy, too full of panic at what could happen.  

For a long time, I refused any medical solutions.  I felt it was ridiculous to take a pill just to get through life.  Meanwhile, I almost fainted from an panic attack in a supermarket, hated Home Depot because the high shelves felt like they were closing in on me, thought that the second I started to sweat in the summer meant I was going to faint, and contemplated all ways of escape any place I went.  Self-checkouts were a God-send.  I could be in total control.  Waiting on line at a store was torture.  Just contemplating leaving the house was a nightmare.

It never got any better and my husband clearly did not understand why he had to accompany me everywhere.  I even had the option of going to meet General Hospital and now Dancing With the Stars cast member Ingo Rademacher and instead passed and went to a car show with my husband because I was too nervous to stay alone for two days or go meet the handsome actor.

I used natural remedies to go on two harrowing trips to China to adopt my children and again to take an anxiety filled three day trip to Disney World.  I actually couldn't handle being on that crowded, tight, closed in Dumbo Que.  Do NOT get me started on the Monster's Inc. Laugh Floor.  The holding area was a nightmare.  I felt like cattle going to slaughter it was so tightly packed.

About two years ago, I was pretty much on the brink with my marriage it was so bad.  I had no patience for anything and anytime I could, I wouldn't go to work as a substitute.  I'd routinely have a panic attack, mild as it was, in the classroom du jour.  No one was ever in harms way and no one would have ever suspected what was going on, but they happened.  Little things as it was too hot or when would I go to the bathroom or if I don't eat some amount of protein, I might pass out.  

Finally, my husband said it had reached a breaking point and if I did not get help, he would have to consider moving on.  Not that he wanted too, but life was unbearable.  He credits Dr. Phil's mantra, "Do it until" with saving our marriage.

That and a little pill called Lexapro.  It's been over two years now and I can honestly say that I would not have been homeschooling or be the Mom and Wife I am now without it.  It's not about getting through the day in a daze. It's about being able to leave the house without thinking catastrophe might strike.  I can go to a store, movies, homeschool outings, and out after dark without panicking.  It helped our marriage get on track again because now I was rational. I could treat my children well and be with them all the time without feeling like I had to escape them immediately after they got home from school.  It was truly a lifesaver and not some kind of crutch.  Last June, I even took my daughter all the way to Florida on a plane and stayed  in a hotel for two nights so she could go to a gymnastics competition.  I NEVER could have done that in the past.

I don't take it because I want to be in a relaxed state all the time.  I take it because without it, my children would be in school all day with a mother who avoided doing activities outside the home with them and would retreat to another room just to avoid dealing with them.  

I still have moments of anxiety, but at least they are rational.  I was a mess during the previously mentioned competition and recently, my Dad was diagnosed with cancer and we had to tell him.  That was an anxiety filled moment and few weeks until we found out that he was OK.  But who wouldn't be a bit crazed with that?

Now, I realize that I can handle chaos but also the little things.  I now get how people are able to go out in public and smile because now I do too.


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Growing Old Gracefully..or Not

“I don’t want to look like a 25-year-old anymore,” [the 41 year old Brooke] Burke-Charvet tells Health magazine.  “I want to be my best, healthy self.”

Yeah.... Umm, I don't know about that.  Several years ago, I had this same attitude.  I think I only had one child then and nothing had headed South yet (bless my dear husband who thought that if pregnancy had not taken place, they would stay in place). I could still use temporary hair color.  I had no aches and I could sleep through the night simply because I had no pain.  My forehead was smooth and I  still worried about the occasional unsightly pimple. And best of all, I was still eating pretty much what I wanted.  Sure, the scale would slowly creep up and I'd be concerned but, I was still pretty much at a healthy weight.

Now, after two kids, one of which is particularly "active" and "challenging", shall we say,all of the above is no longer true.  

I really started to feel the aging thing during the last couple of years.  Muscles I once used easily started chronically aching.  I had to make a switch to permanent hair color because the six-week stuff just wasn't covering the gray anymore.  Of course, there was more gray to cover, so that shouldn't have been surprising.  I slept so poorly that I had to nap in the afternoons before the kids came home from school.  The Office was on at 9 PM and there was no way I could even stay up for it.  My arms ached so much (and still do) from holding kids and having them pull at me, lugging grocery bags for our growing family, and carrying a ridiculously heavy pocketbook.  You know the kind: no money, but socks, sunglasses, cell phone, bottled water, and snacks that will never be eaten but you need them "just in case."

Then the worst happened.  I now agree with Billy Crystal's Fernando who said famously "It is better to look good than to feel good."   I reached a weight that was more than I ever thought possible.  Didn't only overweight people hit 200 plus pounds?  Oh, I am that person.  I looked terrible.  Clothes looked terrible.  And of course I felt terrible. I never could shake off that post adoption weight,  

So, I decided aging gracefully was not for me.  I started taking Melatonin  and ended up sleeping again.  I had been having migraines and they stopped because I actually slept.  Now, I only need it  occasionally.     

I am working with a nutritionist, Danielle, from South Bay Wellness and am eating healthier.  Our family is considering a more vegetarian lifestyle now.  We are really loving all our veggies! 

I just learned about and started Reiki with Shannon at The Suah Center I have felt calm and less stressed all week.  My positive energy is flowing!

I love my permanent hair color even though my attempts at a more youthful appearance left my hair much darker than expected.  Think Morticia with some golden highlights, But not a hint of gray, thank you very much!.

My forehead is wrinkly and the girls are swinging but, unlike the song Do Your Ears Hang Low?   I can NOT throw them over my shoulder like a Continental solider. If I had the money, maybe one of those "Mommy Make-Over" things would be in order.  Little pull here, a little sandblasting there.

And of course, the Change is upon me so I feel that I may be in for even more fun.  As my eight year old  said, when overhearing us discuss the possible symptoms I've been having said, "Now you'll be wrinkly and DIE soon!"  Don't worry little man, menopause doesn't mean your dead.  It simply means I'll be more sweaty.  And will want to drive with the windows down in February. And reference such episodes as my "personal summers."

So hooray for the positive attitude of the bikini clad, four times pregnant Brook Burke-Charvet!  I'm glad she has such an outlook, especially since she is recovering from thyroid cancer.  I, on the other hand, DO want to look twenty-five again.  I was 65 pounds lighter.  I was smooth and perky.  The only thing I lacked was knowledge.  And I guess for that reason, I'll grow old gracefully because I would rather have the knowledge and experiences I've gained, than the body I lost....

...or not.

Changes, Changes...

So when last I blogged, I was working as a substitute teacher in my children's district, my kids were in kindergarten and first grade, I had thoughts that at some point I would be hired to teach full-time in said district, I was planning a fabulous trip to Disney World, I still had my gall bladder, I was still infertile, I was having debilitating "I'm not leaving the house anxiety,"  and my house was a mess.

Well changes happen.

 I stopped subbing because apparently my six years of teaching second grade did not qualify me to teach second grade during a six-week maternity leave (they gave it to someone who had never had his own classroom). I pulled my kids out of the district because, although I loved their teachers, the administration and their policies stunk.  We became a homeschooling family (more on that later).  My daughter is now 10 and in fourth grade.  My son is 8 and is "revisiting"  the second grade.  My trip to Disney was fabulous although three weeks prior, I had my gall bladder removed.  Two months prior to that, I had a miscarriage after a very unexpected and short lived pregnancy. I'm on some medication now, which reduced my anxiety and probably is the reason I was relaxed enough to conceive. My house is messier than ever.  Oh, and I think I am starting menopause, hence the name of this blog.

Because it really has nothing to do with men, although I think my husband is looking to convert the garage into some kind of living space in case things get crazy.  I like to think of "The Change" as just an actual pause in the action of your life. "We interrupt this menstrual cycle so that you can experience your days in a whole new way! Slow metabolism, night sweats, and hot flashes!"  Of course, you can save on your Advil bill.  And you can actually plan trips anytime of the year without consulting your monthly calendar. So there are some good points too.

This is not to say your whole life should pause and you should roll up in the fetal position until it is over.  It just truly is a transition.  One that may or may not be pleasant. I'm looking at it as a time to pause and reflect, and look ahead.  I shall see!  

So, what have you been up to?

From the Fabulous, Gall Bladder free Disney trip! Photo credit: hubby Chris Judd