For just about all my life, I've been the "Nice Girl." You know the type-always friendly, somewhat shy, never one to confront or make a fuss. I'm sure there have been a few times when I spoke up and no one cared.
Of course there were those times when my real personality that can be quite honest comes through. And then some people get very offended that the "quiet one" has something to say that is not in total alignment with what they want. I think, sadly, it has kept me in my place for far too long.
I remember one time I made an off color joke and people were stunned. Or I dared to stand up to someone who automatically thought she would get her way. I actually quoted someone and she was so offended that I had quoted her back to her, that she turned several people against me for a week or so. Really, I should of said the old standby, "Honey, if you can't take it, don't dish it out." Instead, I apologized. Maybe I should have reminded her that if she wants to talk about her sex life during lunch, she should not expect everyone to then treat her like an innocent flower. But I didn't. I've had relatives not speak to me for giving my opinion. And no, I was not disrespectful. As Don Miguel Ruiz said in The Four Agreements, it's their problem, not yours. Hard to live by sometimes, but really life changing if you embrace it.
So I had an idea. You know how 12-Step programs want you to make amends to those you have hurt? I think that the non-confrontational types like me, should do the reverse. I would like to go to everyone who has hurt, annoyed, or just generally pissed me off and let them know.
Let's start with an old boyfriend who was pretty much done with me, but invited me to a basketball game he was playing in just so he could get a ride home afterwards. To THIS DAY, I wished that as soon as I figured out the deal, I would have just left him stranded at the game. Say nothing and just go.
I wished I had said that adopted children are not "bought" when it was insinuated that they are.
I should have told the wedding photographer that it was inappropriate that his son flirted with all of my bridesmaids. I probably also should have told him that we were not in the right location for the pictures. Or that it took waaaay too long to get the pictures back.
Perhaps instead of crying when I was told by someone who had never actually seen me in a classroom, that parents really hated me and lied when they told me they were happy with my teaching, I should have laughed and said, "You can't be serious."
Maybe I should have written that letter to Good Morning America's Lara Spencer when she was with one of the entertainment shows that all of those celebs who have "jumped on the adoption bandwagon" were not trying to be trendy. I'm sure Hugh and Deb Jackman were not trying to be be part of a fad during all their fertility treatments (and yes, I totally feel connected to Hugh because of it!).
I would like to call out all those who accused me of lying because of their incompetence.
I would like to tell those who are rude that they are, in fact, being rude.
It would be awesome to tell those who start a sentence with "no offense," " I'm not a racist/sexist/homophobe", or "nothing personal but," that yes, in fact it is offensive, you are most likely a racist/sexist/homophobe, and I do take it personally.
I would like to state an opinion without the fear of hurting feelings when in fact it is just my beliefs.
Maybe that is why I started this blog. I've been censoring myself in fear of offending others for a long time, when they don't seem to want to protect my feelings at all. It has given the appearance of being an agreeable, nice girl. What it has done instead is made me realize that I can never be authentic with most people. I don't think that this means people don't know me, just not all of me. There is another side. Not a dark side-just one that has views that not everyone will be on board with. I have a sense of humor that several people don't get because it is sometimes seemingly out of character for me. A bit sarcastic and not really all that nice. Let's just say it can be a bit biting.
I hope to stop walking on eggshells in person and especially here.
Oh, and I hope I don't offend anyone along the way. Gee whiz! I need to stop apologizing for being me!
**If you wish to leave a comment, I think you can under Jessica Judd on the drop-down box.**
No comments:
Post a Comment