Things I Have Forgotten

It's not that my mind is going, but as a parent of a ten year old girl and eight year old boy, I realize there are things that I have forgotten.

What's it like to go to the bathroom/shower without interruption?  Either someone just comes in (four legged creatures as well) or there is a colossal bang or a scream while I am otherwise occupied.  I honestly can shower by myself.  It is not a peep show, kids!

What is sleep?  I once heard Gwyneth Paltrow say she sleeps with one ear open.  I totally got that.  I have the amazing ability to become conscious in the wee hours of the morning just as someone is crying, having a bad dream, getting sick, or talking in their sleep. Even if everyone is asleep, the next days events begin rolling around in my head.  Or worse, some terrible pop song keeps rolling in my head.  I like Call Me Maybe as much as the next person, but not at 3AM in and endless loop.

 What is it like to sleep late? And by late I mean 6:45 AM.  My eight year old has this great morning greeting- open the bedroom door, wave and smile, and then knock on the inside of the door and ask if he can come in.  I love to see his precious fact, but he really needs to work on sequencing events.  Recently, the dog has decided that he needs to remind us he exists by scratching at the door sometime during the 6 AM hour.  You would think that by now he would have figured out that we are ignoring him.  Apparently you can't teach a young dog new tricks either.

 What is a "Live Action" movie? My most recent trips to the movie theater include Wreck-It Ralph, The Lorax, and Welcome to Planet Earth.  Every movie we buy is animated.  We see no movie that is R rated.  I have no clue as to the acting ability of Ryan Gosslin, or Channing Tatum.  I have a vague idea about what Magic Mike is and I'm betting it is not an animated musical about magicians staring the voice talents for someone from Saturday Night Live.

Speaking of which,  What is it like to watch Saturday Night Live, live?  Sure I see clips on Hulu or the NBC website, but its not the same.  A late night for me is 9:30.  I would just like to know what folks are talking about before it hits all the chat shows on Monday morning. 

You mean there are books for adults? OK, I do know this, but I can't recall the last one I read.  I can tell you the myriad of children's fiction and non-fiction I have read, but not an adult book that wasn't a how-to.  And that was probably along the lines of how to keep your children from simultaneously having meltdowns in the public library (yeah, that happened...recently).

I wish I knew what it was like to have a vacation with my spouse.  We will be married 20 years in October.  Since we have had the kids, we have had probably less than ten nights alone in all that time.  I vaguely remember that we used to go for weekend trips on the spur of the moment-great bed and breakfasts, an anniversary trip every year, week long summer trips, road trips.  Now, all our overnights (less those ten) are with the kids.  Not that I don't love family vacations, but really, I think we deserve more than 24 hours alone.  

I mean really, I just want to pee by myself.  Is that too much to ask?  Apparently, yes.

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