We Are All Horrible, Horrible Parents

Can someone please tell me when it fell out of fashion to talk kindly to and about people?  To avoid politics and religion in conversation until you really got to know someone?  Or at least until you really wanted to piss someone off?  What happened to judging someone privately, in your own home, with your own friends and family, behind his or her back?  Come on people!  Those were the good old days of being negative, judgy, and superior in private.

Message boards. Social Media. Personal blogs by people with no clue (I'm not ashamed to include myself in this!).  Anonymity, no immediate feedback,and a delete button has made all of us more inclined to be open with our criticisms and judgements and nastiness. Comment sections have given many idiots (and I use that term in the most loving way) the platform to be downright hateful and vulgar. But you knew that already.  I have even found myself being both more bold with my comments and slightly nasty myself on occasion.  Not usually, but it is so easy to do that with just a few keystrokes.

What bothers me most, though, is that it seems Mommy Wars are no longer about working outside the home vs being a stay at home mom.  There are many facets to being a good Mom and it seems, based on message boards and social media,that we are all colossal failures at parenthood.  Someone will shoot you down if you raise your children slightly "outside the norm."  Or if you raise your children totally within "the norm."  Or if your child is named Norm (obviously, you watched too much Cheers! Shame on you!)  

With this in mind, I give you all the ways we are all terrible parents (please realize that this is totally tongue in cheek and that it is not a criticism of anyone or anyone's ideas and beliefs). With all due respect to Jeff Foxworthy, you may be a terrible parent if:

You are a stay at home Mom
You work outside the home
You are a stay at home Dad
You send your kids to public school
You send your kids to a religious school
You homeschool
You unschool
You vaccinate
You don't vaccinate
You are refusing Gardasil
You are all for Gardasil
You raise your children with religion
You raise your children without religion
You co-sleep
You breastfed
You pick-up a crying baby
You let your child sleep in their own bed, always
You bottle fed
You let them "cry it out"
You spank
You reason and use consequence and redirection
You are carnivores
You are vegetarians
You are vegan
You let your kids eat fast food
You let your kids eat non-organic
You are against GMOs 
You don't let your kids have sugar
You let your kids eat whatever amount of sugar they want
You let your kids drink soda
You are a fear mongerer because you believe in (fill in the blank)
You are a sheeple because you believe in (fill in the blank)
You have been to SeaWorld
You are boycotting Seaworld
You are anti-stereotypes of all kinds
You believe some stereotypes are true
You pass judgements on celebrity parents
You think celebrity parents get a bum rap because they are in the spotlight
You believe that Asperger's syndrome and ADHD and food allergies are real
You think none of these exist and some parents just like to label their kids.
You are a "helicopter" parent
You are a "free-range" parent
You medicate your child
You medicate yourself
You like wine to relax
You like an occasional joint
You like meditation or yoga and someone suggests that a joint would be quicker.
You are "entitled"
You are an "elitist"
You are neither
You are against Congress but for the President
You are against the President but are for the Congress
You hate them all.
You love them all (OK! That would never happen!).
You are correct in your decisions.

 Here's what I think. Raise your kid the way you want.  Don't beat up on others.  Be cordial.  Agree to disagree.  Don't go to message boards and attack others just because no one knows who you are.  Most of all, know that your kids will one day blame you for their mistakes no matter what you do.  And then they will get over it and raise kids pretty much the same way you raised them.  You hope.

Back-to-School for Homeschoolers Too!

 

We are now entering our fourth year of homeschooling and, quite frankly, I am sick to death of all the whining,crying (my 9 year old son), fighting (both), sarcastic comments and eye-rolls (11 year old daughter).  I don't actually think sending them back to a brick and mortar building is the answer. My running and screaming from the house?  That may be an option.

Even though we homeschool, we tend to follow a schedule similar to public school.  It's what we all seem comfortable with.  Since they both attended school for a few years, I like to do some of the same things that other kids do.  This year, they received a letter that told them who their teacher is and what is expected of them. Please feel free to copy, paste, and print out a copy for your own homeschool, changing the information.  Also, feel free to change some of the somewhat sarcastic nature that my children have come to expect from me but, may not be right for your needs.

August 27, 2014,

Dear ____________,

Welcome Back to The Judd Family Homeschool!  We hope you had a wonderful and fun-filled summer vacation!  You will be entering_____grade in just a few days!  Your teacher will be ____________.

As a student at The Judd Family Homeschool, you will be expected to demonstrate the following helpful behaviors:

1.    Please be prepared.  Make sure all your books, pencils, and pens are ready to go at 9:00AM whether you are at your own school or are traveling to our babysitting location (or appointment, car ride, activity, etc.)

2.    There will be a positive attitude at all times.  Whining, complaining, and irritating other student or your teacher will result in unpleasant consequences. For example, you may lose your allowance or iPod or Kindle privileges.

3.    Work for the week will be presented on the Sunday before.  Please look it over and make sure you know what books you will need.

4.    All work must be completed at the end of the week or it will be done on the weekend.

5.    Some of our lessons will be done together, such as science and some social studies.

6.    No whining about CNN Student News.

7.    No whining about math

8.    Or reading.

9.    Or writing.

10. Please be aware that sarcasm and a poor attitude towards the other student, simply because he or she breathes or looks in your direction, in not tolerated.  Neither is throwing, hitting, kicking, screaming, or scratching.  Those actions are reserved for your teacher to do, alone, behind her locked bedroom door when any of the above happens.

11. Remember you are role-models, not only when representing homeschoolers in public, but in the homeschool community.  Again, no whining.

12. Finally, NO WHINING!

Have a wonderful year and try not to torture your teacher/mother/sibling!

Under this, I wrote in pen, "No wandering around aimlessly."

I hope this can work for you!  I hope it can work for me!

On the Road to Recovery: Six Weeks Later

I made it!  I survived despite all my emotion and fear in the days before leading up to my surgery.  I am officially down one uterus! Things did not go as the doctor planned.  A forty-five minute laparoscopy turned into three hours of abdominal surgery.  Then I had a hard time coming out of the anesthesia.  I almost think some of my emotion came from a premonition that things would not be as simple as originally thought.  Endometriosis reared its messy, icky head again and was all over everything. Like a drunk, handsy guy at a wedding.

When I went into pre-surgery, I had a panic attack because I was told they would cut my wedding ring off if I couldn't get it off.  I'm sure having a person who could not put in an IV and insisting to the nurse that it was fine even though I was saying it burned, started me off on a bad note.  The ring thing just put me over the edge.

I usually remember going into the OR and being put under but, when the Doctor offered me something to calm me down, I said yes. I remember nothing after that. I also usually wake up in the OR as they wheel me out.  I woke up in recovery this time saying over and over, "Are my chickens OK?"  Not my health, children, cats, or dog.  The chickens.  Must have been hungry for omelettes.  It would be quite awhile until I ate or drank anything that was not a wet, star shaped, mint flavored, sponge on a stick. Really.

Let me just say that I really enjoy a good morphine drip.  This is probably why they take it away from you so quickly.  I did have pain that only ibuprofen would help. I can't even get doped up properly on the good stuff.  Yes, the catheter was a bit pinchy.  I, of course, had to go to the bathroom numerous times after that.  Thank goodness for the wonderful, wonderful nursing and nurses aids and technicians without whom this would never have been possible.

I did suffer another panic attack when I was told I'd need a blood transfusion.  I was already quite anemic going into the surgery and coming out, my blood pressure and oxygenation levels were low.  It took the doctors all day to make a decision and finally, at 10 at night they started it.  It took a mere four hours. I was very happy to go home after two nights.  

The best part was and remains that I feel so much better than I did and don't regret this decision for a minute.  I didn't realize how horrible I felt due to the blood loss until I was better.  I can also now sneeze without incident, thank you oft criticized and litigated surgical mesh. I am perfectly fine with permanently ending my unproductive reproductive years.

  I am eternally grateful to my husband Chris. My son Owen matured an enormous amount over those first few days and cuddled with me all night on the second evening I was home. My daughter Maddy was having a fabulous time at Camp Ma-He-Tu in Bear Mt., NY and I didn't have to worry about her. 

Thanks also to all my amazing friends who took care of my son by driving him places and picking him up, supervising him at the movies, having him sleep over, and having him for play dates. Thanks to them as well for the well wishes, texts, and dinner. I don't think I ever mentioned it to her but, in case I didn't make it, I had designated my dear friend Laura H., as official homeschooler of my children, because I knew she would do right by them.  That's the kind of friends I have supporting me; the kind who would take my whiny kids and educate them.  We would have paid her too, so no worries!

I can now get back to writing about less dramatic and hopefully more humorous takes on my life.