So when I started up this blog, I called it "A Woman's Pause" for two reasons. I wanted to pause and look at all the experiences I have had in life and how they have shaped me as a woman, wife, and mother. The other reason was that I believed I was going through "the change, " the cute little name for peri-menopause. I was a bit off with the later.
This might get a bit detailed, so if you are a guy reading this, please skip down a bit. If you are a guy, you may not want to read this at all. I digress...
A bit over a year ago, I was starting, stopping, starting, stopping, and then going on and on for about a month. Silly uterus! It's just changing! I stopped for three weeks. Then "Aunt Flo, " my "Friend, " (more adorable, cute names), decided to move in permanently and cause anemia in addition to a lot of concern an worry.
The thing is, I've always had some issues. And I'm a Mom of two young kids who have been home schooled for three years. We do lots of things and I was dead last on the priority list. I know that is familiar to lots of you. Also, after being poked, prodded, operated on, and being put on hormones for many years as well as a short-lived pregnancy, I had had enough of doctors. So I neglected my health, which was always supposed to be fairly closely monitored.
I took three years off and was then in a panic. I went to see the OB/GYN. She is both thorough and conservative which I like. I had to have a endometrial biopsy. Painful to say the least. And negative, thank goodness. As I winced leaving the office, my nine year old son asked why I was uncomfortable. I said that there is part of the body called the cervix and the doctor pinches off a piece to look at under a microscope. But don't worry, it grows back. "Like a sea star?" my sweet boy says. "Yes, exactly. " I say. Best laugh of the day. I kind of pictured myself with a leg growing out of my "hoo-ha"( Oh, for heaven's sake, it's a VAGINA!).
Anyway, I got my blood tested immediately and had a mammogram. Everything was fine. But, this was not perimenopause. My hormones are fine. My uterus does not know what it's doing, essentially. It's like it goes in a full cycle, without stopping, every four days or so. It has been doing this for three months. I so should have invested in Always Pads! The good part is, that unless necessary, I get to keep my ovaries. This prevents me from going into hormonal menopause.
I am both looking forward to this ending and also feel somewhat sad. I think that for most woman who have this surgery, they have had their children. I have been pregnant once and briefly, after I dealt with infertility and two adoptions. My uterus has never served me well. It has been a problem for almost thirty-five years. Pain, mess, mood swings, frustration, disappointment. But it also failed me in doing the one thing that it should have been able to do-carry a pregnancy.
Don't get me wrong. Adoption was the best thing we could have done. But is is hard and somewhat sad. This is the end of a very long and complicated story. Normally, a woman of my age (47.5), would not be looking to get pregnant anyway. In many cases, they already have a family. But it is the definitive end. No way. No accidents. No change of life babies. No vessel to accomplish this.
But, although I think there will be a bit of a grieving process, I am ready to just feel better in general. Anemia has been difficult. I'm a bit tired at times because of it. And bonus! I get a urethra lift in the process! Yippee! That comes with it's own benefits!
So I will continue this story in the next couple of days! Please stayed tuned!
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